5am and I’m dead awake. Not much of a scenario worth talking about really. I can’t say it’s the best feeling, staring at your ceiling too awake to sleep, so you escape to your blog in the hopes that soon your eyes might get tired and slowly flicker into the realms of sleep, that have bathed in the waters of the most ‘out there’ eccentric dreams.
What is there to talk about at 5am? In order for me to answer that, I guess I really should know. However, I do not. Stuck in the Limbo between dream and reality I guess this is where my mind drifted to, to be at peace. My mind is still drunk from the happiness of the previous day, and so all I know to do is 1) Wake my friends so I can complain about my inability to sleep or 2) Write.
Thankfully to my friends, I chose this option. Which moderately sums up my growth because now I’m handling things on my own. I know that’s a pretty big statement just because I’m writing a ‘little blog’ when I should be soundo, but I have always been a friend needer. One of those people that can happily run my life sharing every thought and opinion with a close accumulation of friends. But today, I am here, eyes peeled open at that sort of squint staring into the bright light that my phone can never seem to dim.
And so here’s one for the people who have ‘self grown’ and just realised that they can sort of (only slightly) make it on their own. Because the first step of being you is to depend on yourself. To not look for others when something’s wrong but look for yourself. Which is somewhat sad and lonely, but you’ll always be there for yourself. How odd to think of it like that.
I’m not saying don’t talk to your friends, of course not. But maybe, it’s time to see how great of a helper you are for once, even if that does mean writing a pointless blog at 5 in the morning so that a ringtone doesn’t drag your loved ones out of a well needed dream of themselves and their crush on their first date or whatnot. And if all fails in the self helping department or you can’t even begin to feel like you’re okay with trying yourself because you’re a lazy sole then by all means, you wake that friend up and discuss the weird and wonderful.
You’re better than you think you are at these things though, trust me.